Strengthening bonds with grandchildren on the autism spectrum 👴👶❤️
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a complex neurological condition that affects communication, behavior, and sensory processing. As grandparents, building a nurturing, understanding, and supportive relationship with an autistic grandchild can feel challenging, but it is deeply rewarding and essential for fostering strong family bonds.
Grandparents can be a profound source of stability and love for children with autism. By understanding and embracing differences, you can create a supportive environment where your grandchild feels valued and accepted.
Remember, the bond you form today will have lasting effects. Your efforts to connect, even in small ways, can profoundly shape your grandchild’s self-esteem and sense of belonging.
This article explores ways grandparents can connect with and support their autistic grandchildren, offers expert insights, and provides a case study for practical context. Additionally, it highlights the spectrum’s varying levels, showcasing how behavior can differ significantly across individuals.
The behavioral differences in autism
Day-to-day behaviors of children with autism can vary widely based on where they fall on the spectrum. Below are some common traits compared to neurotypical peers:
- Social Interaction: Autistic children may avoid eye contact, have difficulty understanding social cues, or prefer solitary play. Neurotypical children typically engage in reciprocal interactions and form connections more intuitively.
- Communication Styles: Some autistic children might speak very little or rely on alternative communication methods, while others may have advanced vocabularies but struggle with back-and-forth conversations.
- Repetitive Behaviors: Autistic children may engage in repetitive motions like hand-flapping, rocking, or lining up toys. These behaviors help them self-regulate and process stimuli, which is less common in neurotypical children.
- Sensory Differences: Children with autism may experience heightened sensitivities to lights, sounds, or textures, often becoming overwhelmed in situations neurotypical children might navigate comfortably.
“Focus on their strengths. Autistic children often have remarkable skills. Encouraging these helps build their confidence and improves family relationships.”
Dr. Tony Attwood, clinical psychologist specialising in autism
Autism levels explained
To further understand autism, it’s essential to recognise the three levels of the spectrum based on support needs. These categories illuminate the wide range of behaviors and abilities among children with autism.
Level 1: Requiring Support
This is often referred to as “high-functioning autism.” Individuals have mild symptoms that may not be immediately apparent to those unfamiliar with autism. While they can handle daily life independently, they may struggle with social interactions and adapting to changes.
Common Characteristics:
- Difficulty initiating or maintaining conversations.
- Challenges understanding social cues, leading to awkwardness in social settings.
- Mild rigidity in behavior, such as sticking to specific routines or having focused interests.
- Sensory sensitivities, such as discomfort with certain noises or textures.
Example: A child who excels academically but avoids group work because they feel overwhelmed by the social aspect. They may have intense interests, such as memorising train schedules, and get upset if their daily routine changes unexpectedly.
Level 2: Requiring Substantial Support
This level includes individuals with more pronounced communication difficulties and restrictive or repetitive behaviors. They require consistent support to function effectively.
Common Characteristics:
- Limited verbal communication or use of repetitive language (echolalia).
- Difficulty coping with minor changes in routine, leading to meltdowns or withdrawal.
- Moderate sensory sensitivities that significantly impact their ability to participate in certain environments.
- Strong preference for repetitive activities and resistance to transitions.
Example: A child who struggles to hold a two-way conversation, often repeating phrases they hear without understanding their context. They may need assistance to participate in group activities or manage heightened anxiety in noisy, crowded settings like a shopping center.
Level 3: Requiring Very Substantial Support
This is the most severe form of autism, where individuals have significant impairments in communication and behavior, requiring intensive support in nearly all aspects of life.
Common Characteristics:
- Limited or no verbal communication, often relying on alternative methods such as picture exchange systems or assistive devices.
- Profound difficulty adapting to changes, with meltdowns or shutdowns in response to minor disruptions.
- Highly repetitive behaviors or self-stimulatory actions (stimming), such as hand-flapping or rocking.
- Extreme sensory sensitivities that can make daily activities challenging, such as wearing certain clothing or tolerating bright lights.
Example: A child who is nonverbal, relies on a caregiver for communication, and becomes distressed by loud noises or unfamiliar environments. They may require a highly structured routine and struggle to interact with peers in any meaningful way.
Why understanding these levels matters
Recognising the spectrum helps others appreciate the diversity of autism experiences. Someone with Level 1 autism might be misjudged as quirky or difficult, while someone at Level 3 requires constant care and attention. Knowing these distinctions fosters empathy and allows caregivers, educators, and loved ones to provide appropriate support.
Dr. Stephen Shore: “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” This underscores the individuality of every person on the spectrum, even within these defined levels.
For additional information on autism levels, you can consult the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which officially categorises these levels.
Practical tips for grandparents
1. Learn and Adapt to Your Grandchild’s Communication Style
Understanding how your grandchild communicates is foundational. If they are nonverbal, explore alternative methods like picture boards or apps. For verbal children, practice patience and encourage their preferred conversation topics.
Quote from Dr. Stephen Shore:
“Communication is a two-way street. If you don’t understand their language, learn it.”
2. Create a predictable and safe environment
Consistency provides comfort. Stick to routines during visits and inform them of any changes ahead of time. This predictability reduces anxiety and fosters trust.
3. Engage in their interests
If your grandchild loves trains, art, or animals, dive into these passions. Shared activities strengthen bonds and show that you value their unique world.
4. Practice sensory awareness
Recognise and respect their sensory sensitivities. For example, avoid loud gatherings if noise is overwhelming for them. Small adjustments like dimming lights or offering noise-canceling headphones can make a significant difference.
“Respect the individuality of the child. Don’t try to change them; instead, find what they’re good at and build on it.”
Dr. Temple Grandin, autism advocate and professor
Case Study: A grandmother’s journey with her autistic grandson
Margaret, a 65-year-old grandmother in Melbourne, recalls feeling distant from her grandson Jack after his diagnosis at age 4. Jack, diagnosed with Level 2 autism, was nonverbal and avoided hugs. Determined to connect, Margaret sought guidance.
Understanding Jack’s Communication:
Margaret learned Jack preferred a visual communication system. She used picture cards to engage in simple activities like choosing snacks or selecting games.
Embracing Routine:
Visits with Jack followed a set structure. Margaret always arrived at the same time and spent time in Jack’s favorite play area.
Finding Common Ground:
Jack loved puzzles, so Margaret began bringing new ones during each visit. Their shared activity became a highlight for both, and over time, Jack initiated interactions like guiding her hand to a puzzle piece.
Margaret reflects, “It took patience, but understanding Jack’s world has been the most enriching experience of my life.”
Expert recommendations for grandparents
1. Incorporate play-based activities
Play is an effective way to connect.
- Engage in structured activities that align with their interests.
- Use role-playing games to practice social skills in a safe setting.
2. Practice patience and flexibility
- Allow extra time for transitions or responses.
- Be prepared for changes in plans and adapt without frustration.
3. Seek guidance from parents and professionals
Consult with parents about strategies that work well and consider speaking to therapists for additional insights.
Dr. Temple Grandin: “Partnerships between families, schools, and communities are key to supporting children with autism.”
Key takeaways
By fostering understanding, patience, and adaptability, grandparents can become a pillar of support in their autistic grandchild’s life. Recognise that autism is a spectrum with varying levels of support needs. Use this knowledge to embrace their unique personality and abilities, ensuring they feel loved and valued.
With the right approach, you can build a deep, meaningful bond that enriches not only their life but your own.
Read our article on “Four simple ways to connect with your grandchildren” here
